you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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