Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
