but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
