i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
