I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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