mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
