You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
