Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
