yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
