i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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