If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
