clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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