You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
