Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
