Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
