Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
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You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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