i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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