I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
