how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i think i just lost a toe
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
