ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
