You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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