Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
