Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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