we made out on top of his cat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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