I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
