the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
