you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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