His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
