Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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