upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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