she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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