Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
