fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
