My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
