I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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