what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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