If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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