Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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