we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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