he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
