i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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