my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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