im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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