Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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