Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
