What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
