proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
