I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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