oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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