Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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