I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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