So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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