hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
