And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
