You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
