So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
love makes seman taste better
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
