i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
