Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
