So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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