her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
