Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
