For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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