ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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