the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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