And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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