She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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