Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
