nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
